Guilt Trip

My mom called today. She lives 4 hours away from me. She is 84 years old, will be 85 in February. [Insert long long story about how many times she has come close to moving nearer to us then backs out at the last minute after a whole bunch of representatives of independent living centers have my phone number].

Let me be frank. I love my mother. I want to go visit her. But the 4 hour long car drive is just horrible to think about. My kids and possibly the dog, all cramped up with me in the little car. A long highway with very few places to stop easily.

My mother annually sends the family a "family check" as a Christmas present. This is very, very sweet and works best for her too, because she wants to send gifts but if she does mail order, they charge a lot for shipping, plus she isn't sure what the kids would like, etc...so she sends a nice big check.

So today she called and said she mailed the check and then heavily hinted that she would love for us to be there for Christmas, even if I have to use the money to rent a car [This was to circumvent my excuse that we only have one reliable car and my husband needs to use that one for work]. I try not to use Fibromyalgia as an excuse. I'd rather blame the car. But oh my goodness I do fear sitting and driving a car for so long. I am afraid I will feel crippled with hip pain when I get there...then not be able to rest really well there because it's not my bed, my bed pad, and of course I will need to tote along my CPAP stuff. Argh.

I'm thinking negotiation. Maybe we can be there for a few days before Christmas. I know my kids would rather be home for actual Christmas...and that will take away a lot of the stress holiday drivers (maybe?) -- Have I mentioned that I don't have GPS and have a fear of getting lost?

Yeah I know, that's my problem and I should get over it.

I know that in the long run, I will look back and be glad I took the trip. The Guilt Trip.