I awoke today in a bit of pain. That is nothing new. But I had a huge moment of clarity along with it.
I am sooo unhappy in my legal relationship. I have been unhappy more than 10, maybe even 15 years. It isn't his fault necessarily, overall he IS a good guy who works hard, doesn't drink/smoke/do drugs. So what the hell is my problem? It is a personality thing I think.
Everything I do isn't good enough and everything seems to be my fault all the time (the feeling I get from him). He makes me very angry and if I express my anger, I am made to feel that I am wrong, or silly, or unstable. It is always MY fault, even if we argue and he apologizes, the apology is just to smooth things over. He doesn't believe he was truly wrong most of the time.
Anyway, this anger I have is not a good emotion to carry in one's body longterm. It does damage and I think this is part of my symptoms.
If we didn't have kids, I would leave because I dont think marriage counseling will change someone's personality so it wouldn't do much good. I don't want to rip the kids lives to pieces. When you love, you make sacrifices.
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