Psyched Out

I get so confused sometimes. I saw the psychiatrist yesterday. Interesting that I typed I saw THE psychiatrist yesterday...as if I don't want to say he's MY psychiatrist.  I suppose I feel like I'm admitting I'm psycho.  Yes, ADHD is a DSM manual listed mental disorder, and so is Trichotillomania. I probably need to stop being in denial, huh?

Oh sorry, I went on an ADHD backroad there for a moment. I'm back now. 

I got confused, because on an earlier visit to my psychiatrist, he said for me to keep the few pills that I have left of Paxil in the lower dosage, because they can be useful if I need to wean off Paxil at a later date.  So yesterday, I asked him about being weaned off Paxil, and how long should I expect to need to keep taking Paxil. He said probably for the rest of my life.

The rest of my life? OMG! What the actual F...oops sorry. We almost added Tourette's Syndrome to my list of stuff. Oh why the hell not, it's related. When I tried taking Amitryptylene (sp?) I cussed without realizing I did. I cussed BAD. I was a bad girl. Roar!

Oops back to Paxil and the Psych doc. OMG the rest of my life...that was a surprise. Does he think I'm totally whackadoodle or what? Sigh. Oh it's okay, it is helping I guess. I'd like to see better help in the hairpulling department (enter an elevator, "Hair Pulling Department, Aisle Four!") but it continues. It grows when life is hectic and I really don't have any time to pull, and when I get time, I'm just too exhausted. BUT, when the stressful time passes and I have time to stop and think about how bad that stressful situation was (like my mother getting hurt), then the pulling goes full force.

That is why a blog is good to have. As I typed that, I realized that thinking over the stress I had just BEEN THROUGH caused a pulling reaction. Hmm. File that under Stuff To Tell The Therapist.

Oh yeah, it really pisses me off that I have to see a psychiatrist for the medications and a therapist for talking. Why can't I express some problems to the psychiatrist? Ok, sure, I realize he's busy like every other psychiatrist who has a beard, wire-rimmed eyeglasses, and a tweed jacket.  Do they all shop at the same suit store? Is it called Psuits for Psychs?

The medical costs really rack up. Primary care (sends me to rheumy), rheumatologist (useless), psychiatrist, therapist...and more. I'm going to stop here because I am starting to worry about the future and the "what ifs" like if we didn't have health insurance through my husband's work, what would we do? Good place to stop, that's for sure. I can go sign up for 90 day prescriptions and be productive, which is what I got on this laptop (devil box) in the first place to do.

Let me know how you're doing. Do you have to see all these docs for a variety of issues too? Does your psychiatrist look  like he shops at Psuits for Psychs?  Oh and why do therapists always look like Earth Mothers...what the actual heck...lol