Really?!?
I've been thinking about why I am so down lately. I think it's because:1) Christmas is barreling down on me like a freight train, I feel like I don't have the energy or the money to go Christmas shopping. I'm afraid it's going to be a really crappy Christmas for my kids and that they will be disappointed.
2) I was feeling a lot better after I got the CPAP machine. I had a lot more energy. But now, I feel right back where I was, sometimes worse. I feel like the crap has been beaten out of me every day when I wake up. I have a sound machine to mask my ear ringing noise, I have a foam pad on my bed, I have a memory foam shaped pillow, and I still wake up feeling like I've been beat up? Sometimes it is hard to even move first thing in the morning. Makes me feel disappointed, like I got my hopes up that I had found the "answer," and it's not the answer, it's just an annoying thing I have to strap to my head and another thing to have to wash.
3) I have guilt that I can't do what I used to do. My husband has to nag and drag me out of bed in the mornings. I used to be a morning person...now I am angry and hurting. I snapped at my littlest one this morning. Now I'm not a morning, an afternoon, or a night time person. I am so fatigued I feel that I can't even get bare minimum of things done. I haven't been able to make the money I used to make.
4) I feel unappreciated. This is mainly my own fault...because I am probably doing this to myself. I washed, dried and folded my 18-year-old daughter's clothes and left a note on top of the stack on her bed: "These are clean. All you need to do is put them away." So imagine my dismay to find all the clothes -- and the note - dumped on the floor and the dog laying on it. The girl has no idea how much effort it took me to do that. So, she can do her own from now on. I'm scared about how my teenagers are going to make it out in the world. They don't seem to know how to take care of anything or appreciate anything. Hundreds of dollars' worth of clothing just being trampled on the floor...I guess once she has to work and buy her clothes, she might appreciate them.
Husband says its normal for a teenager's room to look like that and for a teen to not appreciate anything. He's probably right, damn it.
I have to say that I was honestly glad to see that picture because I thought I was the only mom who had kids who did that. I was the only mom who'd find still folded clothes put back in the laundry basket rather than put away. I was the only mom who felt unappreciated after putting up with so much pain to do my children's laundry.
ReplyDeleteThank you.