A big thing that's going on with me lately is that I feel overwhelmed. There are things that I know for certain I can do, because I've done those things, or even something more complicated -- before. But just the thinking about the steps that are needed -- for example, maybe it includes an email search to collect information I need to complete a project -- seems insurmountable. But at the same time, I have the mental acuity to write this blog and use words like "acuity." There is also part of me that wonders if I spelled that word right. "Normal Me" would know. "Fibro Me" is unsure of her abilities. Fibro Me says, "to hell with it, who cares if it's spelled right. My head hurts, my brain hurts, my butt and legs are twitching." And you know, I think Fibro Me is right.
But what is bad about this overwhelmed feeling is that nobody understands that I cannot function to do some things they need or want from me. Sometimes I can work something out in my head that is a little complicated or detailed, other times it can be a very simple thing but it's like my brain has an override switch that says "No way am I going to be able to process that task for you right now."
I feel like what I need to repair myself is to drop off the end of the earth for awhile. Don't worry, I don't mean I would kill myself -- I just mean I need to be left alone for about a week. I need for everyone not to NEED me constantly. I'm needed physically, mentally, by email, by phone, by voicemail, on Facebook, on Twitter, etc. Even if I go off Facebook for a couple days, friends are asking where I've been. It is great to be needed, but I have needs to. Actually, and here is the kicker --- a great thing about keeping this journal is that it helps ME become more aware of what *I* need. Writing this, I see how ridiculous it is for me to be "needed" online so much. I will need to formulate a plan for escape.
Social networking is a source of stress and I need to either figure out a way to manage it or bail out.
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